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On: Re-Discovering the Mother-of-All-Willys-Jokes

The following is an edited-to-introduce-literacy version of a piece that originally appeared on Wx4 in its very first days in 2002, when Wx4 was a 100% Willys Jeep Wagon site. Since then, save this page, Wx4 has become 100% railroad, and I have lost touch will all participants in the referenced oddball online WillysWarRoom discussion group. Most of them, I presume, now are at best spending their declining days in nice cozy facilities that deprive them of sharp objects. Dr. Vern was a stalwart hold-out on the Jeep humor circuit (of one) with his monthly column in JP Magazine, living proof that Jeeps are less funny than trains. Lamentably he lately seems to have retired from the online world, as his website,, disappeared after his last article in 2014. (Way to go Vern, you ninny!) Tony Gurney, the goofy misplaced-Aussie-in-Indonesia / WWR administrator / illegal arms dealer ("wanna buy a Scud?") likely is rotting in some stink-hole prison after attempting to sell napalm to native children.

As you may have become aware when you undertook a Google search for "Willys" stuff and came up with Madame le Teur's Slave-Boys in the Dungeon of Bondage, Willys has more than one connotation. Since double-entendre jokes are common within WillysWorld™, I find it curious that apparently nobody has ever attempted to uncover the original baseline, mother-of all-Willys-jokes.

Therefore, a couple of years ago, I sent Wx4 scientists down to the dungeon to whip up a few possibilities and subsequently presented their findings for study by a select blue-ribbon committee composed of the troops from the now moribund online Jeep (more or less) discussion group, the WillysWarRoom (WWR). A big mistake. All WWR topics ultimately degraded to insults and fart humor, and this one was no exception. (The only credible thing that ever came out of the WarRoom was poll results that labeled me as funnier than our most notable inmate, JP Magazine columnist Dr. Vern - Luckily, the second vote that I cast did the trick.) The short form is that these guys were of no help, and the WarRoom eventually blew up during an exceptionally strong gust of verbal flatulence.

Whoops, I digress! Here's what they / I came up with:

The Original Willys Joke

Yes, this is not very funny.

However, you have to put in in perspective as the mother, or proto joke, from which all of those hilarious off-color references, like "beating your Willys" or "polish my Willys", come from.

Before you pass this off as poppycock, consider this: Not long ago, a bunch of renowned linguists attempted to uncover original "proto-language" of the first human beings, using complex computer models that compared and contrasted the world's present languages. To me this seemed very heady and impressive stuff... until it became apparent that, in addition to the computers, they also employed some good, old-fashioned Kentucky windage, much like meteorologists do in making their long range forecasts (note: "no" in Proto Language was "no". Really!).

In essence, those linguists made educated guesses. Yet, their results were held in high enough regard by PBS to rate a TV documentary. My fellows and I guessed too - so where's OUR documentary, PBS?

*A special 'thanks for nothing' goes out to Dr. Vern and his illegitimate brother, Herb Russell.