Note: the following language is rated PG, meaning that you never use some
of these words in front of your children, but they use them as a matter of
course on the playground.

WillysWarRoomMK2, 04-26-02

Dear Warmongers,

My last religious experience came about 30 years ago, when Ann-Margret
(don't forget the hyphen) exposed her boobs in "Carnal Knowledge"
(causing a dental emergency when my jaw dropped so hard that it locked
up). Thus I was quite unprepared for an event that transpired last
week.

As most of you know, I am the happy owner of el Rock Ape, a 1951+-
Willys Wagon Conglomeration* (*tm Landen), whose hindquarters are pre
1950, and whose unitized "bonnet" is post 1949. Most of the rest is
CHevy, man.

El R.A. is many parts shy of completion, thus it was with some
enthusiasm that I noted, just as I was removing my duckie slippers for
the night, an ad on the Web for a 1951 2wd Willys Wagon. Price: $250,
American! Better, the truck's location was in the good old Sillycon
Valley! Could this be true? Hell, even in these recessionary times, a
head of lettuce goes for more than 250 bucks in these parts.

A quick call confirmed the price, so my son, Young Tomfoamer, and I
immediately jumped into the recovery vehicle, despite the (9 p.m.) hour
(sadly, my alarm clock remembered to call me to work at 3:30 a.m. the
next morning).

As we rolled up to our (as it turned out) dark, spooky destination, I
heard, as plain as day, an etherial voice say to me, "Repent...REPENT
sinner! Buy me. BUY ME! (no, Robbo, the voice didn't add "you cheap
bastard"; implied, eh?)" Young Tomfoamer claims that he heard no such
thing, but at age 15 3/4, I attribute his deafness to the continual
high-pitched screaming of his hormones, sort of a primal urge tinnitus.

When I finally cast my eyes upon the vehicle, I had little doubt that
the Willys gods had arranged the whole thing. There, before me, was
the mirror image of el Rock Ape: a 1951 body mated to a 1949, or so,
front end! Cosmic, dude!

Yep, the gods had spoken. Young Tomfoamer and I trailered it home the
next day.

At this point, you've probably arrived at the same conclusion as I ?
the Willys gods want me to set things straight with the two wagons by
switching their font ends.

Well...with all due respect to the gods (and pardon me, The Don), BITE
ME! El Rock Ape is fine the way he is, thank you very much! As for
the new acquisition: adios to the pre-'50 front end in favor of a
fiberglass clone of el R.A.'s unitized tilt-front end; beyond that
(Blazer running gear, HUMMER running gear?), I don't know.

Of course, since I'll be robbing parts off of #2 wagon to finish off el
R.A., at some point I'll need to come home with wagon #3...and on, and
on. What the heck, I may occasionally get off of Frau Blucher's bad
side, but I'll never get on her good side anyway.

Note to Mein Frau upon discovery of this message: Ha ha! The above
speculations about adding more wagons to the flock were made in fun!
BTW, you're holding up even better than Ann-Margaret (don't forget the
hyphen).